A Boring Tuesday :)

Hi Everyone,

Not much to report today.  I have just been hanging out in my room "being boring" as all my medical professionals tell me to do.  I have had some very nice visitors the last couple of afternoons, which have helped me pass the time and reminded me of home.  I think it's so nice of people to make the trip to see me--thank you!

I love to read (obviously), and one advantage of being stuck here is that I can sit down and get lost in a book without feeling guilty.  I often don't read for pleasure during the school year because I tend to neglect all other duties in favor of finishing the book, so it's a nice treat to be able to indulge that part of my brain. 

I've been wanting to read The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo series for awhile, so I started there.  They are long books, but easy to get drawn into, although a little on the "dark" side.  The darkness has a context and purpose though, and I tend to tolerate that as long as it's part of a valid story, which this definitely is.  I often discuss with my students the difference between an author who reflects the reality of a fallen world in his/her work while still telling a redemptive story vs. one who throws the "dirt" in just to elicit a reaction or as a "hook" that really is not part of a larger story. 

Anyways, I have been enjoying the books and taking a little break from being online all the time, which has been refreshing.  I haven't even looked at Pinterest since last week :)

I have also been enjoying the Olympics, although I have found it problematic that London is so many hours ahead of us.  NBC saves all the good events for primetime, but I tend to somehow find out the results before I watch.  Jason doesn't watch at night, so he looks at the internet all day and thinks it's fun to tell me who wins.  Or he says, "You will never guess what happened!" and then I make him tell me because I get curious.  Today he told me the results of the Phelps races, but said he'd save the other "big" event for me to watch tonight (women's gymnastics).  But then I went on Facebook and someone had posted it!  So now I already know what happens, dang it.  Oh well.

Other than that, the only other big news I have is that I tried the burger off the hospital menu today, and it wasn't bad. Now I have something else to order...I tend to get in a rut otherwise and order the same thing day after day (open-faced turkey sandwhich with gravy and mashed potatoes).  So now you know all the details of my day :) Sorry.

Hope you are having a good week!

Good News!

They took me for my ultrasound around 8:30 this morning, and things went as well as they could! The baby is measuring around 5lbs 1oz, which is almost half a pound more than two weeks ago when we checked in.  I'm working hard on adding to that number, which is easy when people keep bringing me awesome snacks :)

One other HUGE answer to prayer is that her kidneys have shrunk!  In my first post, I mentioned that the ultrasound when I checked in showed that both her kidneys, but the right one especially, were bigger than they should be and would have to be followed up on after she was born.  Well, the cut-off for "normal" vs. "abnormal" is 7mm (or cm...not sure. 7 something).  Two weeks ago, the right kidney was measuring at 10.  Today, it measured 6.5!  And the left kidney was completely normal.  We have known about the kidneys since I was 24 weeks along, and they have been growing steadily since then, so it was SUCH a relief to see the numbers go the other way.  Thank you to those of you who have been praying about this! And thank you Lord for answering.

The last thing they checked today was my cervical length (is that too much info for a blog? Sorry if it is).  They measured it just to make sure I wasn't progressing with labor without anyone realizing it.  It was shorter than it was two weeks ago, but still well within normal range for 34 weeks and looked strong. That was good news because it means that the peri's (specialists) will be more willing to let me get to 36 weeks instead of 35.  There are two of them that rotate seeing me, and each seems cautiously willing to go along with my OB's plan to deliver at 36 "as long as nothing changes." 

My doctor and I have been discussing and working out a date for the c-section, which gives me a mental "end point" to look foward to.  I started my third week here today...wow.  I'm now to the point where most of the staff and nurses recognize me and are nice enough to check in and ask how things are going.  I have to admit, though, Harper is much more of a celebrity up here than I am.  Last night before she and Jason left, she marched right into the nurses' station and said "Bye! Bye!" to every nurse...and waited until each of them had responded before she would come back out :)  Show off.

My mom and aunt are coming up to visit today, so I am looking forward to that.  Other than that, I am trying to be boring and not let anything change.  I continue to be so encouraged by everyone who is helping out or sending encouraging words...I love being part of the family of God.

Sunday

Hi Friends,

It's hard for me to be to believe another weekend is over.  Every day kind of runs together here, but I definitely look forward to having Jason and Harper over to break that up.  They went home early today to get ready for the week and go to church, so I've been back to "normal" since 4:30 or so.  No matter when they leave, it's always hard for me to see them go...I think Sunday nights and Mondays are the hardest. But I'm glad they will have some down time at home before another busy week.

We slept in a bit this morning (relatively speaking--they usually wake me up at 6:30 to put me on the monitors), and then enjoyed watching church on the internet.  Some Sioux Falls friends brought Starbucks (coffee for J and a smoothie for me) after church, so it almost felt like Sunday morning coffee time!  We had a great visit with them and then took a little walk around the grounds of the hospital.  The nurses are getting better at letting me out of "jail" and trust that I will obviously return quickly if anything happens, so it was nice to actually see the sun for a couple of days this weekend after being indoors for two weeks.  I don't know if I've ever gone that long before...crazy. 

The highlight of our walk was discovering the little splash pad outside the Children's Hospital (The Castle).  I didn't have my camera along and couldn't find a picture of it online, but there were 5 or 6 little fountains of water shooting out of the pavement a lot like the ones in the picture below. 

source: http://activerain.com/blogsview/1709496/st-george-utah-has-some-fabulous-splash-pad-water-parks-to-cool-off-in-this-summer-

We decided to let Harper out of her stroller to explore, knowing full well that she would end up soaking wet.  She had a great time splashing around, though!  She tried to drink it a couple times, stood on top of one of them, and just ran around, laughing.  I rung her out best I could and let her walk back to the room in her wet clothes :)  I wish I had thought to take a picture, but I was more worried about changing her very saggy diaper.

Here she is playing with a new puzzle I bought her in the gift shop on Friday.

Hi, Jason.

We used an Applebee's gift card to enjoy a late lunch after Harper's nap. I took a picture of our spread.

Harper found a new spot to watch the helicopter.

I have an ultrasound tomorrow, so I look forward to being able to update you on the baby.  If all continues to go well, we are about at the halfway point for my hospital stay.  Of course I could deliver at any time if things change, but otherwise we are planning on approximately two more weeks!  I have to remind myself that we are about to have a baby--I have been focusing so much on the hospital stay and lining up care for Harper and getting everything in order that I haven't really let myself get excited for a newborn.  But this weekend especially, Jason and I talked more and more about meeting this little girl, and I can't wait to see her face.

Have a good week.

Harper's Book and What We Are Up To

What a nice day!  Jason, Harper and I got out and walked around the block today, and it was so refreshing to be out of the building.  We also took a field trip to the skywalk and watched the helicopter land and take off, which Harper loved.  She kept saying hi to the members of the flight team as they would go past us to and from the landing pad.  So glad there are people like that ready to (literally) take off at a moment's notice should the need arise. 

Harper didn't have a very long nap, so she was a little silly this afternoon.  She enjoyed showing off to some of our fun visitors today.  She also had fun playing with her little buddies when some friends came for pizza tonight.  Our room was quite the hub of activity again for a couple hours, which is a nice change of pace for me!  After the friends left, Harper went down pretty early, and Jason and I are watching some swimming and enjoying the wonders of technology (me blogging, him playing Angry Birds.  I tried to get him to do a guest post, but he refused.  If you would like to hear from him, feel free to encourage him in person, via text, or on facebook :).  Oh ya, and we are enjoying each other's company, too. ha.

One of my goals for my hospital stay was to get caught up on organizing my pictures of Harper.  I got a long ways on Friday and finished up the Shutterfly book of Harper's first year while Jason and Harper were running some errands this morning.  I am going to try to do a "Family Yearbook" for every year that will include a lot more of our pictures, but I wanted to have a short book to record each month of Harper's first year "at a glance."  It includes her milestones and what we as a family were up to each month.  In case you are curious (or bored), here it is.

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly photo books offer a variety of layouts and cover options to choose from.

We are looking forward to another day together before Jason and Harper go back to "real life" on Monday.  I am almost halfway in my hospitalization (if I can make it to 36 weeks), so I feel like there is at least an end in sight. 

I hope you are having a great weekend and enjoying what is left of summer!

Olympics and the Weekend

Happy Friday!

In some ways, it seems like time has flown by in my little room...I can hardly believe it's been 12 days since I checked in.  In other ways, though, time continues to drag, and I don't like thinking about spending another 2 weeks in here.  A couple different people have encouraged me by saying that growing the baby is my only job right now, and as long as I am doing that, I should feel a sense of accomplishment.  I'm choosing to remember that advice when I procrastinate on my Master's work during the day :) 

One thing that helps pass the time is looking forward to visits.  I have had so many fun visitors this week who I have enjoyed talking to.  Many of them have even brought me lunch, dinner, or other little treats.  As cliche as it is for a pregnant woman to talk about food, those little treats really do make my day.  Yesterday I had an AMAZING salmon meal from Grille 26, and today was a repeat of Panera.  I feel so huge when I'm done eating, but it's all so good.  I've also gotten a few thoughtful gifts, like the devotional I mentioned, a soft blanket, new pajamas, a foot scrub, gift cards, a fun dress to wear when I "get out", as well as various flower arrangements and cards.  So THANK YOU to those who have come up and/or remembered me in some other way.  It truly does make things easier and helps to keep me from getting too down.

In other news, the Olympics start today!  I like to keep the TV on all the time because otherwise it's just too quiet in here...so I am very excited to have something interesting to watch 24/7.  Not that "A Baby Story" and "Selling London" aren't quality shows...but there's only so much TLC and HGTV one can watch in a day.

Jason and Harper come back up tonight, so I am of course looking forward to that as well.  It's nice to achieve some sense of normalcy as a family.  Some friends are coming to hang out Sat night, so it will be just like a weekend at home (except in one small room with an IV in my hand :). 

Oh, and yesterday I spent most of my afternoon teaching myself how to design a blog header.  I don't LOVE how it turned out, but it's not bad for my first attempt.  Crazy what you can accomplish when you have no distractions! 

Alright, no more random thoughts.  Go Team USA!

A Picture is Worth...

Hi Everyone,

Nothing much is new around here, which is a good thing according to the doctors that pop in my room every morning!  The nurses keep telling me that boring is good :)  I did have quite a few sweet visitors yesterday afternoon/evening, which was so fun, and we had some excitement last night as the DeGroots came to eat pizza and celebrate Jon and Larry's July birthdays.  Lyncoln wasn't feeling too great and had to make an early departure with Misty, which was a bummer, but the rest of us enjoyed hanging out and playing in the room.  Here are some pics.

(These two are actually from Sunday, but I didn't get any of Joni and Adam last night :)  Excuse Jason's feet.



This picture kills me. Silly girl.

Izzy and Harper playing with Harper's car.

If you look closely enough, you can see Max under the curtain :)

Watching the helicopter take off.

Instead of toys, I need to keep some of Izzy's shoes and accessories here for H to play with.

Showing off her pretty Izzy shoes to Grandpa.

Family Pic

Helping Mom write thank-you's after everyone left.  This was after she finished adjusting my bed to the point where I will never get it back to how I want it :)



It was hard to see them go again last night.  Harper is such a big girl...said "no bye-bye" a couple times but then didn't cry when she left, just hugged me and kissed me.  Jason said she cried in the car, but at least I didn't have to see it.  Poor Daddy.

Can't wait for the weekend so that they can come back!  Almost halfway...(and the Olympics start tomorrow. I am SO PUMPED to have something to watch!!). 



Blessings

First of all, I want to say thank you to those of you who offered encouragement after my post yesterday.  I really did not write it to elicit sympathy--I just a hate being fake, and that's how I was feeling yesterday.  And while I'm mentioning fakeness, I should also admit that Harper's room does not always look like that...I definitely cleaned it up before I took those photos :)  But after I wrote the post, I got quite a few sweet messages, offers of help, and even a couple small gifts.  While that wasn't my intention, it sure did a lot to improve my mood and help me realize how much people care and want to help.  So thank you.  I have to share this one photo of an outfit my sister brought in last night to cheer me up...SO cute. It's a preemie size, so it's tiny and cuddly and so sweet. Even has hints of our Dutch roots :)  Thanks, Jones. 

I also have had two fast food meals since I wrote that post last night, including fries and onion rings, so I'm in a much better place today!  Ha.  One of the other nice gifts came from my mom's cousin Marlys, who works here at Sanford and dropped by during lunch to bring me a devotional based on Laura Story's song "Blessings."  (Thanks, Mar!)

I'm sure you have heard the song, but if not, it's definitely worth a listen. Here is a video of it (the hospital blocks YouTube, so it's from GodTube :)




Laura Story - Blessings (Listen: Aline Barros) from jorgi on GodTube.

In her introduction to the book, Laura Story explains that she grew up asking a "blessing" on her food and singing songs like "God Bless America," leaving her with the impression that God's blessings always arrive in the form of health, happiness, and prosperity.  And while those are certainly good things that God gives to His children, where does that leave the other things that come into our lives? If we experience hardship or heartache, does that mean we are being punished? 

When her husband was diagnosed with brain tumor, they discovered as they dug into Scripture that sometimes God actually blesses his children through the absence of the very things they pray for.  She mentions the examples of Paul and Job, who were both blessed through their trials.  Here is the conclusion she comes to: "So how do I define blessings now? I'm still not sure.  Every 'what if' of the song 'Blessings' symbolizes a thousand questions God seems to have left unanswered. But this I do know: there is a depth of intimacy with God that can only be known through suffering.  There is a reliance on Him that can only be experienced when everything else around my soul seems to give way.  And if that's what it takes to make this stubborn child cling to that old rugged cross, you can have your prosperity.  I'd rather have Jesus."

Wow. What a convicting passage.  I am being inconvenienced, yes, but I am so blessed.  I need to remember to look for the ways God can use this in my life and teach me how pass it along--we are blessed to BE a blessing (and so many people out there have done that for us, too!).  It also made me think...would I still be praising God if I was going through something worse?  The couple I mentioned in an earlier post is burying their daughter today.  Horrifying.  Would Jesus be enough for me in a situation like that?  He has to be. 

For now, I am trying to see the blessing of some extra time to read, write, create, and sleep.  And I'm so glad I am in a safe place for myself and this baby.  And I love all the sweet messages, cards, flowers, and visits. And I am grateful for lunch dates and visits with friends. And family birthdays so we have excuses for pizza parties in the room.  The list could go on.

I am counting my blessings today.

Blah.

Day 9 already. I feel like I've been in a funk the last couple of days...the newness of everything has worn off, I miss Jason and Harper, I'm sick of sitting in my room, and nothing off the menu sounds good anymore. My afternoons have been dragging--did you know that NOTHING good is on TV?  Probably not, since you are probably doing something more productive :) 

I don't mean to complain--just trying to be honest.  There have definitely been bright spots.  Joni worked last night and brought sweet corn for me courtesy of her in-laws. Yum.  She also got nominated by my nurse to start my new IV this morning, and it went so much better than it did on Friday, and it's not nearly as uncomfortable.  I told her she really is a good nurse--it's not just an act :)  On top of that, three sweet couples from church have visited me unexpectedly.  It's so much fun to open the door and see who is there.  Harper has had great care from my mom and friends, and she and Jason are coming again tomorrow night.  And I discovered the beauty of morning naps uninterrupted by a toddler saying, "Mom, Mommy, Mom, Mom..." :) 

But it still gets old.  I have a few more visitors to look forward to as the week goes by, which helps my attitude.  And I really should be getting more done, but I don't always feel like doing schoolwork, either.  I'm sure Jason will be happy to know that the most productive thing I did today was pick out photo props online for the baby's newborn shoot.  That's what those Paypal transactions are for, J, so you don't have to ask me later :)

I wish I had more insights or projects to share, but I'm just kind of "blah" today.  I hope to break out of the funk soon and have more things to share. Until then, I hope you are staying cool in these crazy temps and having a good week!

Thanks for reading!

DIY Time!

Today was a quiet day.  I stayed up late last night working on a school-related project, so I napped this morning after they monitored me, had lunch, and then did some arts and crafts.  Like many other people, I am kind of addicted to Pinterest, and I have had a little bit of a do-it-yourself bug lately.  So I made sure to pack a bin of arts and crafts projects for the hospital that I would never otherwise have time for (as in...Harper would wake up or mess them up before I could finish :). 

I love decorating my girls' nurseries, and most of the projects I brought revolve around finishing the baby's space.  When I decorated Harper's room before she was born, I found some bedding I liked and went from there.  I had fun picking out paint colors, picture frames, and other accessories to go wtih it.  One great resource I found was my local scrapbook store, where I found a line of papers and accessories to coordinate with her bedding, and I used it to decoupage some picture frames and other small projects.  For fun, here are some pics I took of Harper's room before we moved her downstairs.

For this baby, I found some inspiration on Pinterest.  I found a great website that puts together "mood boards" for nurseries, including information on where to buy some of the items on Etsy or other sites.  Here is the mood board that is inspiring the new nursery.

Source: laybabylay.com

I decided to leave three of the walls brown, just like it was for Harper, and paint the teal wall a light yellow color that matches the bedding I picked out.  I have been having fun filling in the rest of the room with the modern safari theme, and I wanted some artwork for the walls.  So I bought some 8 x 10 canvases on sale at Michael's ($5 for 2) and some craft paint.  Then I found some animal silhouettes I liked (I just searched Google), printed them on photo paper at Sam's, and cut them out.

My plan was to have 4 different canvases with 4 different colors and animals, but I unfortunately didn't like how 2 of the colors turned out--too bright/neon to go with the room.  I will have to wait until I "break out" to buy new colors and finish those canvases, but I'm happy with the other two.  I traced the animals onto the painted canvases and then used white paint to fill them in.  It was a time-consuming process, but hey, I have time :) 

I will of course post pictures of them in the room later, once I get more of the details finished (and I'm home again)!  For now, I am enjoying having the opportunity to get to do some of this stuff, even if it is with an IV in my hand. 

Have a good week!

Psalm 139

Psalm 139

¹ You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand —
when I awake, I am still with you.

A few Sundays ago, after my diagnosis had already been confirmed and we knew I would be staying in the hospital for a few weeks, Jason turned to this passage during a church service and had me read it.  I have since come back to it often for encouragement, and this afternoon was one of those times. 

I had a great weekend with Jason and Harper--quiet family time that felt as much like normal life as I think it could.  It was hard to see them leave.  It was sad to order off the hospital menu instead of looking forward to the Olive Garden takeout we treated ourselves to last night.  It's daunting to think about another three weeks in this room.  But God is bigger than my circumstances, and this passage is a wonderful place in Scripture where we are reminded just how much He loves us.

He is with me--even here in my little room. He knows all the details, and He is taking care of them. He is knitting this baby together.  He is taking care of Harper while I'm not there, hemming her in His protective care. 

The psalmist is praising God for His presence.  We are not promised trouble-free lives, but we are promised that we are never alone.  Thank you, Lord.  I heard this morning about a couple (that I know very distantly) from Sioux Falls who lost their 4-month old baby girl last night, and my heart has been so heavy for them all day.  I just can't imagine.  And every time I turn on the TV, I hear more about the shooting in Colorado and think about the horrible things those people endured.  Even for Christians, life is not free from pain--far from it.  But God is there.  He is here.

Tonight, I am so thankful for that.

Party Time

We enjoyed a little birthday party on the Labor & Delivery floor last night, which I suppose is appropriate if you think about it :)  Mom, Dad, Anita, Joni, and the kids hit up Thunder Road before coming to my room with pizza, and Tim and Jason met us here.  I loved getting another outside meal and having the fam hang out in my new surroundings. And we behaved ourselves, so I don't think Joni was too embarrassed to have our whole family crash her place of employment :)  Here are some highlights!

Watching the helicopter land out the window

King Jaxinator

Harper and Daddy writing out some nursing orders

Opening presents--she made a great haul!

Me and the birthday girl

Thanks for letting us have your party in a hospital, Taylor! LOVE YOU!

After everyone left, Jason and I set up the Pack 'N Play in my room and pulled out the couch for him. I got to put Harper to bed and spend some extra time with J, which was awesome.  It probably wasn't the most comfortable for them, but it was nice to have my family surrounding me when I went to sleep and woke up (at 6 am. Harper did not sleep in. ha.)  Here is a shot of us eating breakfast in bed together--if you look closely, you can see the bacon in her hand. That was the only thing she really wanted off my tray, of course. 

Jason and Harper left on a little outing around 9 this morning--they were going to make a Starbucks stop and then go shopping for some new work clothes and shoes for Jason.  Not only is the guy taking care of the house, packing for the weekend, and playing Mr. Mom, he is voluntarily shopping. Be impressed, people. Be very impressed.

Have a great weekend :)

Ready for the Weekend

Hi Everyone,

So glad it's Friday! I know it hasn't really been a week since I've been here, but I feel like the end of the first "workweek" is a milestone. I will be 33 weeks pregnant tomorrow, which puts us another step closer to having a relatively healthy (although early) little girl.

Dr. Munson, who works in the NICU, came up to talk to Jason and I on Wed. night about the problems and issues preemies face, especially those born before 36 weeks. We are so thankful we are beyond the stage where we would need to worry about seizures, brain bleeds, or other more serious issues, but she still will probably have troubles breathing, eating, and maintaining her temperature. I know from experience with Harper that Sanford's NICU is an amazing place, but to be honest, I would LOVE to avoid a trip there. My specialists want to deliver me at 35 weeks to avoid preterm labor of any kind, but my OB is fighting to get me to 36 weeks so that the baby has a better chance of being able to stay in the regular nursery and come home right away. Jason and I would really appreciate your prayers for that to happen...it would be such a nice ending to this long road.

Nothing much is new around here. Yesterday I had a sweet visit from a lady in our church who brought me pasta from Applebees and did my nails :) It was fun to be pampered a bit and hear about what's going on at home. One of the board members I will be working closely with at school next year also stopped by to talk about some work things, and Joni (Jason's sister) came over to chat for awhile last night. It was a good day.

Today they changed my IV spot, which ended up being quite painful, so that was a bummer. I haven't done much today except read and try not to move my arm :) An old friend who I don't get to see very often was in town, and she came for a visit this afternoon. What a gift to be able to reminisce and catch up (and pass the time)! Love you K!

My family is coming up tonight to celebrate my niece Taylor's birthday, so I am looking forward to that. I still remember taking off work at the pool that July day 10 years ago to come see her--right here on this floor, actually! Crazytown. We love you TayTay!

Happy Weekend!

Abby

Hospital Life

Day 4!  It already seems like forever since I have been at home, and I suppose I am settling in to my routine over here.  I got a lot of work done for my Dordt (masters) class yesterday afternoon after my great visit from Mom & Maddi, and then Jon and Misty stopped by after Lyncoln got discharged. He is doing so well--happy little guy looks like nothing ever happened to him! They stayed long enough to see Jason and Harper, too, which was so fun.

Harper just hugged my neck for the first minute or so after she got here. Jason had her bathed and in her jammies so she could just fall asleep on the way home. Impressive!  She was entertained by exploring the hallways, riding in a wheelchair, and playing with a Little Tikes car my aunt Jayne left as a present for her when she visited on Tues.  She loved dancing to the music it played!

She got nervous when they would hook me up to take my blood pressure, etc., but for the most part she did great.  Here we are reading and snuggling in my bed.

I am also enjoying some beautiful flowers that I've had delivered in the last few days.  They even make it smell nicer in here!  My view includes the helicopter pad, so it's fun for Harper to see that.

My sweet fellow English teacher Karen and her daughter Anna are watching Harper today--I wrote a note that I expect Harper's vocabulary to double by tonight. For those of you who know Karen, it just might happen...

Have a great Thursday!

Settling In

I stole this pic of my cutie from my sister, who is taking very good care of her today!  I'm sure Harper will keep her aunt and cousins on their toes playing at the camper and swimming in the pond. I know I'm biased, but isn't she the cutest? 

I can't wait to kiss her cheeks tonight. Jason is taking her up after work, and we are going to hang out in the room and probably put her to sleep here so we have more time with each other.  Then Jason will (hopefully) get her to the car without a major wake-up and put her down at home. 

I am also expecting my mom and niece Maddi any minute, complete with lunch from Panera.  YUM. I don't know if it was growing up around the bakery for all those years or what, but bread is my ultimate comfort food. I am excited for a break from the hospital fare, even though they serve a nice variey for me to choose from.

Other than that, things have been pretty quiet around here, which is a good thing.  They monitor the baby's heartrate and any contractions I'm having three times a day. So far the baby has looked excellent and the contractions have only been very small braxton-hicks, which I am not really even feeling and most likely wouldn't notice if I was not chained to a bed watching them on a monitor :) 

I got to "break out" of the hi-risk OB floor twice yesterday to go see Lyncoln, both times with trusty escorts pushing me in a wheelchair (thanks Joni and Larry!).  It was nice to have a change of scenery, and Lyncoln is doing so well, which was great to see.  I also got a lot of visitors yesterday, which I loved!

I want to say thank-you to everyone for all your kind words in person and on facebook--they mean so much to me and our family.  Your offers of prayers and help are so much appreciated, and going through this stay would be much more difficult without a great family of believers surrounding us. We love you!! 

Comfort

The verse on the sidebar of the blog, which also gives the blog its name, has been precious to Jason and I over the last few years as we have walked through some very steep valleys.  After dealing with infertility, we endured three pregnancy losses before Harper, watching so many of our family and friends being blessed with new babies and longing for our own version of that dream.

Meanwhile, we made trips to Rochester to visit my dad at Mayo after he suffered a sudden brain aneurysm and surgery to correct it.  After he was given a great prognosis and returned to health (praise the Lord), we started the journey of Jason's mom's illness and coming to see her in Sioux Falls and then Milwaukee, WI.  I was pregnant with Harper by then, and even as we watched Helen get weaker, we never dreamed that she wouldn't be around enjoy her newest grandchild.  She passed away when Harper was 8 weeks old, and we are so happy that the two "H.J."s got to meet, but so sad that she's not on earth to see Harper prance around in high heels :) 

Through all of that, I loved the Lamentations passage because it gave me permission to remember my pain, to acknowledge it.  The author says he well remembers the bitterness and the gall, and his heart is downcast.  That was how I felt--downcast.  After my miscarriages, the reactions that hurt me the most were the ones where people (I'm sure because they were uncomfortable or didn't know what to say) ignored the loss.  I know they did not mean any harm, but not acknowledging our sorrow made it worse for me.  Even if it was just a small word, I so appreciated those who made an effort to remember and share my pain.  One of the losses took place in January, when school was in session, and my principal told one of my classes what was going on.  I will never forget the sincere and honest sympathy I received from so many of those high school juniors and how impressed I was with their bravery and heartfelt empathy. One of the reasons I love my job!

But back to Lamentations...the author does not only recall his pain.  He goes on to offer hope. Yes, things are hard.  Yes, this sucks.  BUT...we are not consumed by it.  I like the deliberate word choice the author uses when he says, "this I call to mind..." and "I say to myself...".  He has to remind himself purposefully of the Lord's great love and the ways His compassion is new every morning. Each new day, God provides new evidence of his care and love. Each day, He is enough to get us through.

I am reminding myself of all of this again because of the place where I find myself today. I know this is for the best, I know it will be worth it, but man, was last night hard.  Jason is just the best dad, but Harper and I have our own little groove, and we were both missing each other at bedtime.  I usually sing to her, so Jason put us on speaker while he rocked her, and she kissed and hugged the phone :)  Eventually that wasn't good enough for her little 19-month old understanding, though, and she wanted me there.  I had to hang up so that J didn't have to deal with two crying girls at the same time. She settled down quickly and slept fine, but those sobs of "Mommy! Mommy!" just rang in my head. She knows something is up--this isn't just Mommy seeing a movie or getting a pedicure :) And I miss her so much.  It sucks.

But the Lord reminded me today that He is good. I am thankful for a wonderful place for Harper to go play today (thanks Bonnie and Alex!).  I am thankful for a few unexpected visitors this morning to brighten things up.  I am thankful for friendly nurses.  I am thankful for the Mt. Dew stash my sister left in my room before I checked in yesterday.  I am thankful for the newest member of our neighborhood (welcome, Shiloh)!  I am thankful Lyncoln's surgery sounds like it was successful.  I am thankful I don't have to shingle a roof or pave a road in this heat :)  The list could go on. 

The Lord is my portion, and therefore I will wait for Him. 

Admission

I must admit that I've had this blog set up for a long time...but I've never made the effort to actually write anything in it. Seeing as I'm about to have 4 weeks of down time, I thought it would be a great chance to start keeping a record for myself and to keep family and friends informed of what's going on with me, the baby, Jason, and Harper.

For those of you who don't know (and just to clarify), the reason I was admitted to the hospital today is for a condition called vasa previa.  In very simple terms, the blood vessels in the baby's umbilical cord branch off before they insert into the placenta, and one of the arteries is coiled above my cervix.  If I would go into labor or my water would break, that artery would rupture at some point, causing a bleed. Since babies don't have much blood to spare (my doctor explained that a baby has as much blood in her whole body as the amount of liquid in a Coke can), the situation would be life-threatening for the baby and probably be fatal to her if I am not rushed into a c-section immediately.  So as my due date gets closer (I am 32 weeks), the doctors want me in the hospital just in case so that they can get the baby out quickly if necessary.  Hopefully that doesn't happen, and then they will deliver me via a scheduled c-section at 35 or 36 weeks (4 or 5 weeks early).

So we left home around 9am today for my extended stay at Sanford USD Medical Center. I was not too thrilled about posing, but thought it would be good for posterity. Ha.

Jason is calling it my "sabbatical" since I will be free to pursue so many endeavors I normally wouldn't have time for :)  I'm trying to look at the bright side as well and resist the anxiety, but it's easier said than done.  When Jason and Harper leave later today, I'm sure reality will hit.


So far today they did an ultrasound on the baby, who is looking good (and has lots of hair :).  One other concern we have for her is that her kidneys are enlarged, which could be something that goes away with time but also could be something that needs attention after she is born. Her right kidney had grown since the last ultrasound and is now measuring at a point where we will need to follow up after delivery. Just one more thing we didn't really want to worry about, but we pray it will correct itself.  Interestingly, Jason's nephew Lyncoln (Jon & Misty's little boy) had the same thing and is actually having surgery tomorrow to open up the tube between his kidney and bladder. I don't know if it's a hereditary problem or what, but we hope things clear up for the baby and that everything goes well for Lyncoln tomorrow.

They also put an IV in me, which kind of stinks since it makes my hand less usable. They will also have to move it every 4 days or so, which means uncomfortable pokes and prods that I don't always handle so well. I am on monitors right now too that keep track of the baby's heart rate and any contractions I am having...they will do that for an hour at a time 3 times a day.  Other than that, we are hanging out in the room trying to feel normal. In fact, Harper is taking a nice nap on the couch as I type this.  She has gotten comfortable here quickly, already yelling "Come in!" to any one of the doctors or nurses that knock on the door :) 

Jason and I appreciate all of your prayers and support more than we could ever express, and we have already been blessed by gracious offers of food, child care, and company.  I will keep the blog updated with any news (or with my random thoughts for the day), so feel free to stop back and leave a comment to say hello.  We love you!

Abby